1.
I wrote this for you
But not in the way you think
As the story gets told
It’s only my stomach that sinks
My cautionary tale
Master in rationalization
I get only the echo
Wrapped in layers of indignation
Daring to go further
Only losing more ground
You were so relieved
Two different shades of brown
2.
Berated into submission
Were you proud of my silence
A complete failure of recognition
This double act of institutionalized violence
Did you know what it meant
Was my pain not sincere
Your incompetence became consent
I felt the effects for years
How much time did I spend fighting
The reoccurring gaslighting
Hit the parts no one could see
It was not a stick that broke me…
3.
Is this what I’m supposed to call home
The ache in my vagabond bones
The loneliness that crowds my head
Different paths forged from the same
Push back against expectation
I am silenced by my own rage
Maybe all I had was not all I gave
Maybe walking away was just as brave
4.
Castle there in the valley
The kids were left aghast
She wrecked him by the river
I swear I’m keeping track
She played with practical alchemy
Questioned my loyal neutrality
Packed a bag and headed back
… I already knew that
5.
So this is where we stand
Face to face shaking hands
Don’t dare catch the other’s eye
Anything now is just a lie
Stop overthinking, don’t go there
You’ve come so far, stay aware
Drifting into endless what-ifs
Fingers fidget, muscles stiff
Time’s flown by far too fast
I’m not going to be the one stuck in the past
Not sure where they’re going
It’s tough, not knowing
Stay quiet, shy away
Too many feelings not meant for display
The time has come no turning back
Look on forward, this is your track
You breathe, take a second to pause
Reflect on the misconstrued cause
I thought you could love me
So why did you leave
Stark consequences of reality
6.
A battle against will
The triumph of skill
A gain of loss
Weighed incorrectly against the cost
A feeling of familiar home
Who would’ve known
A succession of respect
As close to appearances as one gets
Fractured identity
The solution a more than tragic remedy
End with a convoluted beginning
A game truly worth winning
Acts surely considered reprehensible
She made herself completely indispensable
7.
Climb the stairs to the top of the tower
And I’d cast you out to save myself
Cries taken to the streets
Here’s something that doesn’t bode well
The last one that’s left
Luxuries to give up
6 feet just wasn’t enough
8.
What more could they really do to me
They long ago took my mind
Strip my hair
Pretend I’m not all there
Go ahead paint me white
False reflections
False protections
Hidden in plain sight
Was it futility, strength, or cowardice
Go ahead paint me white
Look at this disaster
The staggering divide
Black passing
White beauty
Go ahead paint me white
9.
The punted pieces of initiation
Deliberately dictated show of allegiance
Stitched together lessons known by heart
But trust is tracked in faded scars
I’m not here to sing the praises of our own arrival
It’s just archival
